Don't ever leave me

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Title: Don't ever leave me
Author: Myself
Written: November 2010
Chapter: Stand alone
Pairing: David/Chuck
Rating: R
Genre: AU
Summary: Don't ever leave me, Chuck. I can't live without you.
Disclaimer: Don't know, don't own, didn't happen

“Hi baby, were have you been?”
“At the hospital, couldn’t stop coughing and then I lost my breath.”
“Oh my God, are you okay?”
“I’m fine David.”

I smile to Chuck and grab the remote on the table to change the TV to something better than the news. I hate watching the news, that’s more Chuck’s thing. And since Chuck wasn’t home when it started, he doesn’t get to watch it. Yes, I’m a very mean boyfriend sometimes.
Chuck comes and sits down with me in the couch. I smile to him and give him a quick kiss on his lips. The kiss is very short, but it’s romantic. All Chuck’s kisses are romantic. I love being kissed by him. When the kiss i finished, I lean my head to his shoulder and I close my eyes. I feel so comfortable with Chuck. He has been my boyfriend for five years, I love him so much. I can’t imagine my life without him. I always cry when I try to imagine my life without him.
I feel Chuck’s arms wrapping around my body, I snuggle my face into his chest and smell his shirt. It smells so good. It smells like Chuck.

“Chuck, promise me you’ll always hold me like this.”
“I promise.”
“And promise you won’t leave me, ever.”
“I promise, I will never leave you.”

I smile when I think about that day. My insides are crying with pain, but my mouth and eyes are smiling. I was happy in that moment, in Chuck’s strong arms. I wish we could go back to that moment. We both were happy.
The happiness didn’t last for very long though, a month later Chuck got a call from his doctor. And he told him that Chuck had lounge cancer. I remember how we both cried. We lay on the bathroom floor and cried our insides out. None of us could believe it.

“David, sweet heart. What are you thinking about?”
“You. And our happy days.”
“Our days can be happy again. I’m starting to feel better. And I promise you, we’ll get married when I’m out of here. The first thing we do.”
“I love you, Chuck.”
“I love you too.”

Chuck both looks and sounds tired. It’s almost 10PM so he should be asleep by now. I’m staying at the hospital with him tonight. The doctor’s says that Chuck’s time is almost done. He’ll be dead really soon and I have to be here with him. I give him a quick kiss on his lips and look at the papers by his bed. Its DNR papers. Do not resuscitate. If something happens with him, they have to let him die. I don’t want him to die. I want us to get married and have beautiful kids. I want us to get old and argue about cookies and presents for our grand-children. He’s not even thirty years old. He can’t now. That’s not fair.

“Good night Chuck, I love you so much.”
“I love you too David. I’ll see ya tomorrow.”
** ** ** **

It’s the middle of the night when I wake up. I hear a very annoying noise. It sounds like beeps. Fast beeps, it won’t stop. I open my eyes and I almost start screaming. It’s Chuck’s monitor that’s making the sound. His heart-beat is slowing down. Really fast. His blood-pressure keeps dropping with his heart-beat. Chuck’s almost dead. He can’t leave me. He promised me he would never leave me. The lines are going flat, a question mark replaces the number that before showed his heart-beat. Chuck’s dead. He can’t be...
I take the grey thing from his finger and attach it to my own index-finger. The monitor starts beating again. It’s counting my beats this time. I wipe away a tear that escaped from my eye and lie down besides Chuck. I put his arms around my body and snuggle my face into his chest.

“Never let go of me...”
“Hi, I heard the monitor. Is he okay now?”
“Yeah, we’re both fine.”
“Oh, good. I got really scared.”

I smile to the nurse and she closes the door to Chuck’s room again. My own smile faints as I look at Chuck. His eyes are closed, his lips are slowly turning blue and he’s so pale. His body is slowly turning stiff; hopefully they won’t get his arms away from me. I gently kiss Chuck’s cold lips and then lie back down with my head on his chest. I really miss his comforting heart-beats.


“David, sweetheart. You have to wake up now.”
“What...”
“David, honey, open your eyes.”

I slowly open my eyes. Three nurses and one doctor are watching me. They all look really sad. Someone has taken the grey thing away from my finger and turned off the monitor. They have also removed all the things from Chuck’s body besides his shirt. Why did this happen? Why Chuck?

“Sweetheart, you have to let go. We have to take him away...”
“No. He promised he would never leave me. That he would always hold me...”
“David...”

I shut my eyes closed again and ignore what they’re saying. I focus on the memories that are coming back to me. I remember all the sweet kisses, all the hot kisses. I remember all the fights we had and how good it felt when we made up again. The thing I remember the most are the nights. I remember the sweet kiss on my forehead and then I got a kiss on my lips. That won’t ever happen again. Tears are streaming down my face, I can’t control them.

“Sweetie, calm down. You have to get up from the bed.”
“I don’t want to...”

They shouldn’t be talking to me. They don’t understand this. They don’t understand the stabbing pain. It feels like someone ripped my heart of my body. It hurts so fucking much that I don’t know what to do. All I want to do is cry until my body can’t take it anymore. I want to be with Chuck. I want him to hold me again.

“David, come on. You have to let him go.”
“He promised he would never leave me.”
“Sweetie, look at me. Chuck hasn’t left you and he will never leave you. He will always be in your heart and you will always remember him. He’s your guardian angel now. He will never leave you, he’s always with you.”
“Do you think so?”
“Yes I do. Come, you have to get up. It’s time to let him go.”

I wipe away the tears and start freeing myself from Chuck’s stiff body. I struggle with it for a while, but I get free from the cold body. I look at him again. This isn’t Chuck. Chuck is always happy and smiling. He has beautiful hair and always tells me to see the good things with life. This looks like... a doll. A doll that looks like Chuck. The doll that looks peaceful and asleep.

“He’s gone...”
“Come here sweetie. Let’s get you out of this room.”

I look back one last time. One nurse puts a white blanket over Chuck’s body. He really is dead.

** ** ** **

It’s our sixth anniversary today. And its four months since Chuck died. How could he leave me? We promised each other we would be together forever.

“Hi baby. It’s our day today. I’ll see ya soon, I know I will. I miss you...”

I’m at his grave. His stone has a natural shape. It looks like it just fell out from a cliff or something. It’s the most beautiful stone in the whole cemetery. I can’t stay long today. Usually I sit and talk with Chuck for hours. But not today.

“I can’t stay long today. Just wanted to bring you some flowers. I love you.”

I drop the flowers to the ground and walk away. I get in my car and drive home as fast as I can without being stopped by the police. I lock the door when I get in and run into the bathroom. This home still smells like Chuck. Sometimes I still think that he’ll be next to me when I wake up. But he’s never there. It’s just dreams.
I’m filling the tub with hot water and pull my clothes off. Hopefully Chuck won’t be too angry with me. And I hope my mom will understand this.

I sit down in the tub; the hot water sends chills up and down my spine. The letter is placed beside the tub and on top of that is a razorblade. I grab it and put it against my left wrist. I carve five letters in the skin and then i start cutting the right wrist. I drop the razorblade and I feel really dizzy. The last thing I see is the red water.

The light is so strong. I flow right into it and I smile when I see who’s there and waiting for me.

“Took you long enough.”
“I thought today would be a good day to meet you again.”
“I love you.”
“I love you too.”

Chuck smiles to me and our lips meet in a sweet kiss.